My darling ,beautiful, irreplaceable Heather, I cant believe these last 12 months have passed, its well and truly Chrismas day here in Singapore and I could have sent this 9 hours aģo but wanted to wait until the time difference at our home caught up, I have helped the excited , lovely little girls open Santa,s presents, Auntie Lorna sent Anna a jewlery case / music box with a twirling fairy which she loves, it so reminds me of the 21st birthday present we got for you , a heart shaped jewelery box with the twirling ballet dancer playing Laura,s Theme from Dr Zhivago, also she sent some scented candles which I lit instead of my normal ones and they will stay alight for you all over the Christmas period along with the bright red hybiscus flowers on your casket, my love for you will never die,it is so strong it hurts. Jess has sent a fab cushion for their bedroom with a snowman gift tag, its lovely so I unpicked it from the tie ribbon and it now hangs on the Christmas tree. Im trying to keep your family traditions going as you always made times like this so special, weve already had bucks fizz and yesterday they bought a magnificent BBQ so Im going to do bacon sandwiches , your tradition but the memories and tears are so difficult to contain. I hope Christmas at Tythe farm is a happy one, its so sad I cant be there, like you I miss them all so much,I send my love and wish them well. James and V have been amazing, these little girls are poppets, Anna is more reserved and only after the last two days has she allowed me to hold her hand, last night we cuddled for nearly two hours watching peppa pig and similar things on James phone, Amelie, better known as Mei Mei is much more outgoing and out walking greets everyone, not two years old and even with strangers ,a wave and Hi there !! , its great to feel useful and wanted and whilst there is little for me to do here Im already dreading going home, the one thing the time has allowed me to do is work on your amazing "Rose for Heather" like you it is so very special and I am determined your name will, along with my memories, live for ever,, you helped me flatten the hills we got to and now I have mountains that I ,having tried, just cannot climb anymore without you ,you were my life ,my world, the joy of my very exhistance was my journey with you, you were my reason to live, all gone. On this day last year I sent you my thoughts and they have not changed in anyway, I miss you my soulmate with unexplainable words, even being around such lovely family Im so alone , people say they understand but until they walk in my shoes they cannot ever know let alone judge me,I think of my only girl every split second of every day and all I want is to be with you. The curse they call life goes on for me my darling. Together forever. My everlasting love as always. Your very lonely, Alan. Xxxxxxx